Did you catch "Dear Abby" ( November 13, 2006)?
Dear Abby: I am a newly single young women just coming out of a marriage. I was recently dining alone
in a local restaurant when I was sent a drink from a patron at the bar. This had never happened to me before. Although
I was flattered, I wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation. I wasn't interested in the gentleman sending
the drink, and thus felt bad about accepting his kind gesture. What is the proper thing to do and say in this situation?
— Newly Single in the South
Dear Newly Single: Here's how the drill usually goes: Unless the man is a mind reader, he will send a
server over to offer you a drink of your choice. When the server asks, all you have to do is smile and reply, "Please
tell the gentleman thank you for his generous offer, but no thank you.." This eliminates the introduction
and obligatory conversation that would normally follow should you accept the beverage.
In your case, however, the deed was already done. I would have smiled at the gentleman, taken a token sip of
the drink and than asked for my check.
What's your impression of Dear Abby's advice?
We highly approve of her advice per "the usual drill" — a pleasant, polite and definite response.
Under the circumstances as they appear above, however, we're concerned about Dear Abby's counsel: "Offer
a smile" and "take a sip." We can easily imagine the "gentleman" construing same as an
invitation and hot-footing it over to her table. (Non-mind-reader — nor probably lip-reader — how is he to know:
(1) the sip is a token and (2) she has requested her check enroute to making her escape?
And what is the poor girl to do, should the drink appear at a time "other" than the end of her meal?
Is she obligated to call for a check immediately after her first bite of a delectable entree?
Any comments? To e-mail SoloDining.com, click: Dear Abby
The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette — 50th Anniversary
Discussion published in the Spring 2003 issue of SoloDining.com, the newsletter
"Etiquette is not about white gloves and fish forks. It's about giving people the confidence to feel comfortable
in any circumstance, personal or professional," stressed Nancy Tuckerman to a USAToday writer. The
Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette, re-written by Tuckerman in 1995, has been refurbished with a new
cover for the occasion.
"Confidence to feel comfortable," is a commodity sought by many solo diners. Inspired, your editor
thumbed through 786 pages, hoping to discover the definitive "white glove" treatment of solo dining.
Here's what I found:
Cafeteria and Fast Food Establishments:
If the place is crowded and your only alternative is to join people already seated, you must speak before you
sit down — by asking, "Do you mind if I sit here?" However, once you are seated, you may fall silent;
apparently, you have no obligation to speak further.
Women Traveling Alone:
Conducting Yourself Inside Your Hotel — A woman should feel comfortable eating alone in the restaurant
of her hotel. Having a drink in the bar area is also deemed "suitable." However, should you feel self-conscious
about partaking of the latter, here's the book's advice: Take along books, newspapers and postcards.
These are diversions, of course, but apparently are equally as good used as subterfuge-fodder. If you receive
an unwelcome overture, "politely" respond that you want to finish whatever activity you're involved in.
On the other hand — if you find the overture acceptable/appealing — you may accept an invitation for a drink
or for dinner ["acceptable," apparently, ONLY at your hotel] with these qualifications: You must offer
to buy the next round and you must pay for your own meal.
Conducting Yourself Outside Your Hotel — Concierges are good sources of "appropriate" restaurants
for females dining alone. (Their aside: "It's a sad fact that in many establishments, even expensive ones,
women alone are not treated as single men.")
The book offers this general suggestion: Eat on the early side because restaurants are more accommodating when
they're not so busy. And concludes with an excellent one: "If you find a restaurant you like, by all means,
keep going back to it."
Forks on high to that!!!
"EatiQuette's The Main Course on Dining Etiquette": A step-by-step guide to dining with confidence
in the 21st Century, by David Rothschild
with contributions & illustrations ("info'toons") by Barbara Rothschild
(Booklocker, Inc./Lightning Source, 2003)
David Rothschild, author of "The Main Course on Table Service" (a bible for restaurants, hotels, culinary
schools and vocational training programs), has written a book for all of us — a practical, "user-friendly"
guide to modern American dining etiquette.
Steeped in restaurants all his life (culinary arts teacher, cook, waiter, restaurant owner, newspaper columnist
on etiquette, etc.), Rothschild knows his stuff. He provides information that used to be passed down from generation-to-generation.
He acquaints you with the "nitty gritty" — the basics of dining — by guiding you through typical fine
dining situations from an hors d'oeuvre party through a sit-down meal. Plus, he answers sticky "EatiQuette"
questions that — sooner or later — drive all of us crazy. Questions like:
Are there rules for buffets?
Should a man order for a woman?
Is it okay to ask a chef for a recipe?
Get the answers to these questions and many more.
Sooner or later, EVERYONE — business and pleasure travelers, singles, those divorced
or widowed, very-marrieds whose spouses are on the road, harried moms and dads, etc. — faces the challenge of eating
out alone!
THE How-to Booklet of Solo Dining Tips & Strategies:
The Art and Satisfaction of Dining Alone — REVEALED!
Planning a trip? Visit our sister website. Click here: SoloTravelPortal.com
If you have questions or comments about this Web page or site, e-mail: webmaster@SoloDining.com.
© 2008 SoloDining.com
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